My plan last night was to go to my women's study at Church and then go to the ER because of the

But I felt better after attending Church so I decided the ER could wait. I could always go today or tomorrow or this weekend if needed.
I woke up feeling okay but pretty soon I was back to not feeling well and feeling

And anxious because my boss is supposed to call me today. She probably thinks I'm off my rocker. I am a little bit off the rails because I'm having paranoia, agitation, stress intolerance, difficulty managing emotions, anxiety, as well as depression and

So this conversation might not go great. My boss is pretty understanding but I was pretty upset and freaking out a bit yesterday so yeah, not a good look. I am kind of dreading the conversation.
I took some anti-anxiety medication this morning so I could make it through work and I am considering a Lybalvi if things get bad, but I hate the way Lybalvi makes me feel physically and emotionally so I try not to take it. It will chill me out, like a lot, but it makes it difficult to do my work in a whole other way.
Several people have mentioned to me taking time off of work, but I just took a week off last month. I am maybe a little regretting not going into the residential treatment program last month when I was checking into it, but I do think a lot of my symptoms right now are grief based. I am going to reach out to my therapist today and just update her, even though I don't feel a lot of faith in her to actually be able to help. And I don't really know that I have the words to say to describe all of this. I guess I could just tell her what I wrote here. I'm not sure.
This weekend is going to be difficult with the memorial service. Usually I look forward to the weekends because that is my rest time. We'll see. I'm still struggling. My stomach is nauseated but I think that is anxiety.
I guess we will see how today goes.
Thanks for listening. Hugs and hellos all around. Kit