I am very angry with my mother tonight. Not for dying; for not telling me herself her decision to forgo dialysis and enter into hospice care and instead getting my SIL to do it. (She did the same with my sister.)

I wouldn’t have argued the decision; it was her choice. But I do wish she had told me herself. I understand it was easier for her not to.

The whole unexpected illness and death was already like a kick in the stomach.

And tomorrow I see the lawyer to start the probate process and I am feeling overwhelmed by the amount of material I need to collate. My mother has had a lot of it on hand and prepared for years now, but it still needs me to do some work. And I don’t feel like it.