Howdy Couch!

I have been lurking sporadically, but super busy. I'm stuck at home in my room for 5 days with non-serious covid. It is weird being not-busy. Last week, my dream was to have a whole entire day to just lie in bed and relax. I am recognizing that I do not do that relaxing thing well.

NP- Sorry for bringing up something from so many days ago, but you wrote something that really struck me in a gut way, something about calling the awfulness abuse, can you call it that any more? I can't find the post again. I just have been struggling with similar thoughts: maybe it wasn't really, and even cycling back to some of the maybe I caused it or didn't interpret things right. It's weird because when I read your post, my thought was of course it was that bad, of course you can call it what it was, but can't seem to get there for myself. I don't mean this to be about my experience, just wondering why it's easier to see that from the outside and whether your mom's unwillingness to see it brings up that self-invalidation. Maybe. I am rambling with brain fog. Anyway,