Not doing so hot today. My life has very little meaning and I'm realizing more and more that it's not working towards anything better. I don't want to feel any more pain and there is no path forward without it. I really was starting to feel something special for this person in my life who begged to be there -- who left me because my situation makes a relationship "unsustainable". It's not that I think that's wrong -- it's just makes me wonder what am I trying to do ? I don't have a job, I cant get out from under my situation with my mother, I think a relationship is well out of the question -- no one wants someone like me in this situation. I just don't know what to do about my life.

I've been yelled at, called a piece of crap for my situation, I've been poked and prodded to try to change it, I've been gently coddled and told it will change in time... but nothing changes. I can't make the change. I hate what my life is, I have who I am, I hate everything. It's just a really rough place to be.