There were more people I wanted to reply to but unfortunately I’ve already forgotten what individuals have said what, I don’t have the mental energy to go back through, so I apologize! Hugs to all that need them!

I just finished speaking with my clinician from IOP. I am now dreading this whole thing with mom. Given the fact that my brother canceled our dinner, AGAIN, it is clear that I will have to spearhead this whole thing. The fact that they are not available and when they are they cancel shows me there is no commitment on their part. I even texted my brother after he called and got no response. And I asked him if we could just FaceTime instead and he said they’ll “try”. I’ve gotten no response about whether they will be attending my son’s band concert either, but I’m going to go ahead and guess no, they are busy.

My clinician suggested I do a cope ahead plan so I can come up with what skills I’m going to use ahead of time for various difficult situations. I am reticent to lean on RS completely, I don’t want him to become my therapist, that’s not his job. But I suppose I will have to accept emotional support from him while I am not in program on the weekends and the days I take off. So it’s a good plan to bring my “safety kit” and a list of grounding skills I can use in the moment when I feel overwhelmed. I have different objects for different emotions.

I personally have made a list of five things that need to be done and I will prioritize them myself. If and when I can get in touch with my brother I will present them and get his feedback.

See how detached I am in my writing? I feel like I’m writing a business letter here. I feel detached from the whole situation which I suppose I need to at times or I will never get through this ****.

I bought a necklace from Etsy, it is a sunflower locket. Inside is stamped “keep f’ing” going. I have sailor mouth and it is very encouraging. I also bought two rings stamped with “I am enough” and “I am worthy”. I like having affirmations at the ready whenever I need to look at them.

I was going to get my tattoo looked at so I can get it finished and a new piercing at the same time (tragus) but I may not be safe to drive what with the spacing out and everything. Best to drive to the convenience store first and see how it goes before I tackle the highway or the terribly trafficked road.