You have learned to dissociate years ago from what you experienced from your father. Once you actually learn about abusive behavior patterns and you begin really recognizing how he has emotionally manipulated you you will feel angry.

When you feel this anger getting strong it’s best to distance yourself until you calm down. It’s also important you don’t beat yourself up for not seeing all this before. Also, it’s a waste of time to call him out on his behavior, he will just deny it and insist you are crazy and need help.

Honestly, the best course is to work on yourself not only building up your independence through working but also finding other interests for yourself away from him. See if you can find Alcoa or Alanon meetings near you where you can be around others that understand what you are going through.