The pattern is that you guys have big fights and get back together, over and over, but the issues are not worked through. Healthy communication does not seem to be taking place.

If you have personal issues and they remain unresolved, you will only bring these into any relationship you get into. Hence, compounding the 'problem' between the two of you.

Have you sought help for your personal issues? i.e. "I've always felt alone, so scared to talk and open to people who will just leave." or "I'm so emotionally stunted"

Finally, you want to say something to her but don't know how or what... or whether it would be enough. I agree - maybe she needs more than words and instead she needs to see a change in your behaviour or actions. Words won't cut it if the dynamics between the two of you and/or your pattern of relating never changes.