Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
I hate it when my therapist prefaces something with "I don't know how this will be received", but at least he (sometimes) warns me before he says something that's likely going to trigger something negative for me.
Yesterday it was how he's worried that I rely on him and that without therapy how empty my life might be. (I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember how he phrased it and that's the most neutral phrasing I can come up with right now.) So now I feel really pathetic because I don't have people I can rely on for support and have basically no friends. He did say that it's okay that I rely on him, but is it really? He asked me what I was looking for in friendship and I couldn't answer him. I could only think of what I'd want in a romantic partner which made me feel even more pathetic. I have a lifelong history of difficulty making friends and at my age it certainly doesn't get any easier. I don't want to talk with him about my loneliness after this exchange even though I'd emailed him about struggling with it between sessions. An email which he didn't respond to, which felt pretty crappy given the subject matter. I pretty much want to just ghost him right now.
|
Hugs if wanted, NP. My T will preface things like that, too, and it's like, "Oh, no..., now what?"
That seems like a really difficult thing to hear from him. I feel like friendship shifts as we get older. Right now, the two friends I talk to the most are online, like one lives multiple states away from me, the other overseas. Pre-Covid, I had friends I met with for lunch or dinner maybe once every couple months (one was more like once a year). And I'd text with them on occasion to catch up (I still do that part).
But it's so different from when I worked at this one job in my early 20s, and a group of us would go to happy hour every Friday, plus trivia night on Wednesdays, plus often have lunch together. Or in college, when I was in a dorm and would eat most meals with a friend or two in the dining hall.
So I get how it would be difficult to answer.
And yes, I'm married, but it's not like some ideal relationship where we're all best friends and that stuff.
I've also had some conflicts with my T about relying on him for things. I think specifically of this time when I was really freaking out about going to the doctor, because I'd had a rapid heartbeat at times, and I was scared they'd do my EKG and send me right to the ER. I think I'd emailed him the night before maybe? But he didn't reply in the morning before the appointment, so I ended up texting him. He did reply (I got it shortly after the appointment) with something supportive.
But then in the next session, he said that he wasn't the person I should be reaching out to for that sort of thing, that it should be my husband (I had talked to him, too!), a friend, relative, etc. And I felt very shamed for that. So I can imagine you may feel the same way. Especially as at times, I've thought our T's have had similar styles.