Oh, I so understand. Animals are so unconditionally loving. My two ended up with my ex (I'm recently divorced unexpectedly after a 30 year marriage) for their own good. When my ex and I were happy together, one of our beloved cats died and I we went to the shelter and got a kitten the day afterwards. Our remaining cat was deeply depressed, and, at first, was not at all happy to have a new four-legged. But they became besties are now are to this day. Consider getting another cat, or volunteering at a shelter and giving the kitties there some love. My heart goes out to you-I miss my guys like crazy and am not currently in a place to adopt others.