@Nammu - I'm so glad for you that you've benefitted and your family has also benefitted. You have the pride of knowing you are contributing. I'm sure it is much better for your mum to be home, rather than in a facility.

I worked in nursing homes for years. Most are not very good. In 2013, my boyfriend would have had to go in a nursing home. Instead, I basically moved into his place and cared for him till he died in 2020. He was in a senior apartment that was handicap-accessible. It had a great bathroom for a mobility impaired person. Otherwise, I would have wanted to bring him to my place. I liked caring for him because I liked us being together. I had just gotten SSDI in 2012. So I was available. I was so strong and physically capable.

I thought, after he was gone, that I would have many good years to build a life that wasn't all about caregiving. After he died, for 3 and 1/2 months, I went in and out of bad episodes of depression with anxiety that landed me in a psych unit. I did not believe I could cope with the aloneness. But, after that few months, I coped quite well. Lately I was not minding being alone. I was not bored. I had decent health. I just joined a gym.

Then this awful sickness came. The pain, nausea and distress of a severe intestinal infection is hard to describe. The doctor said this could happen again. For some, it becomes chronically recurring. I would rather face a firing squad.

I've been sick before and recovered on my own. For some reason, being alone right now feels frightening.