I am sorry you are going through this. I am an overthinker, like you. Always thinking what if or should I have done that or maybe if I did this...but at what point do we stop blaming ourselves? Were we simply asking for too much, or were we just asking the wrong person? To me, it seems that she may not be fully over her past relationship. You stated she gets anxiety when it is brought up. Do you want to have to live life walking on eggshells and trying to prove to her that you won't do what her ex did or have you ever felt maybe you are putting in all the effort? That is not fair to you. Another poster said that no matter what you did or did not do, that would never be enough for her. Has she ever shown signs of being a narcissist? You stated her ex husband is one, but it quite possibly could be that she also has some of the tendencies. Just something to think about. I am sure you have done a lot of research on narcissism and personality disorders, so I will not list potential characteristics. However, to me, if she really did love you, she would be with you. I am a firm believer that love should conquer all. Maybe I live in a fantasy world, but if you have done nothing to betray her, hurt her, or make her feel unloved in the relationship, then why is she not trying to work things out with you? Have you brought up couples counseling or individual counseling? I wish you the best.