I am not as awful sick as I was yesterday. Still, I'm too sick to be able to go to the store for a few things. I can manage on what I've got here. I have no one I could ask to get me something. I always was a loner. Wished I wasn't, but we are as we are. Then for 8 years I was caring for my guy. It got to be 24/7. I expected to try and find people to connect with, when my caregiving commitment would be over. But then there was COVID, and I wouldn't risk that. So, past 2 years, social distancing, instead of connecting. So I'm alone.

My one girlfriend is not the type I can turn to for any help. I accept her as she is . . . for 20 years now. She's quite alone too. You'ld think we could have a mutually beneficial alliance. I'm a giver and try to anticipate what anyone I care about might need. She calls me every few days. Never says, "Do you need anything?" She needn't fear being imposed on. She knows I'm not one to use people.

I like my neighbor. She lives alone, but has a very responsible son who checks on her. She has become a friend over the past 24 years, even though she struggles with English. She's had double knee surgery and is on a walker. Obviously, she has enough to do looking after herself.

I'm not hard up with needing anything. I guess Uber will pick stuff up. Maybe I should hire someone thru Care.com. I'm low income, but frugal. I can scrape up for that quite easily.

I guess I've calmed myself down writing this post. I may recover and be as good as I was, which was fine and independent. In time, though, I'll have more health problems. I thought that was years off. It could be next month. My ideas about how to arrange things when I confront the eventual loss of independence do get very dark. They have been for a long time. For now, best to live in the now and not project.

Thanks to anyone who has been able to read this. It helped me to write it.