To all: Thank you for your concern! It is the old life. I feel alone. I thought I had more friends then I really have, but of course I have some. There are very few who know that I am depressed. Those who know do not understand how serious it can be to be depressed. It is a none topic. I always has to be strong and hide because I feel that that is what is expected of me. It is also a family thing. It is like my brother and I have grown in different directions. I feel that we don't know each other any more. I am not sure how to go on with life. My therapist and I have agreed to end therapy in a few weeks. I don't have the money to buy a lot of sessions. When I was young I threw myself into education and had plans. How do we plan life when we are already pensioned and some of the best friends one had is already dead? How do one get new friends in old life?

I have the local number to emergency here. I will use it if I really need it. I do think about how sad my son and grandchildren will feel if I am not here. As long as that thought is there, I will probably fight as much as I can to not act on these thoughts.
Thanks again!