My T called to make sure I was coming Tuesday. I had a long convo with my husband about leaving me the hell alone about food that I'm not going to die between now and T appointment. The convo started because of what I said while smoking. The moral of the story is don't smoke when you're down. I didn't realize I was going to feel like ****, a liar, not worthy of the dx. that look like they're going to give me. I'm trying to drown out my thoughts with music but they're dark. I'm trying to distract but I don't feel like coloring or anything. I want to cry but I can't. Today is a 5 out of 10 day. 4 more hours till bed.