Well, that was quite the session! Multiple tornado warnings going off on each of our phones, followed by his wife calling in the middle of the session--"I need to answer this, it's my wife"--and then proceeding to talk to her for a few minutes while I sat there feeling really awkward. I made a gesture offering to go in the hall, but he waved me off.

She wanted him to stop the session and move to an interior area (due to warnings), as his office has lots of windows. We were in the middle of a discussion about the therapeutic relationship, with 20 minutes left, and it didn't look too bad outside, so I asked if we could stay in the office a few minutes. He said sure and "I like violent weather." Me: "Me too." Then I said, "I don't want your wife to be upset with you though." Dr. T said: "I don't always do what she tells me to do" and laughed. Which was also a little awkward!

There was some wind and a few rumbles of thunder (including after I said something sort of ominous), but then it mostly blew by.

We talked about other stuff the first 20 minutes of session, but then moved to the email. In a nutshell, he was confused by my email and wondered why I would send something "nonurgent" after our conversation. And it did irritate him some--this was 10 steps to New York instead of 1 (his number for the check-in texts about in-person). I did my best to explain, including the concerns stemming from ex-MC's frequent cancellations and what that turned out to be. And he seemed to get it. I said how I mostly just wanted him to understand and sympathize with why I want to know what's going on, how that would help, even if he's unwilling to tell me, and he said that he both understood and sympathized.

It was just kind of messy, with lots of tears on my part and his seeming maybe a bit harsh and puzzled by me. I said how I was worried that now I was stuck, that even if I was concerned about the relationship or something else in my outside life, I couldn't email because I knew it would bother him. And he said it was still fine to email, that his policies haven't changed. I offered to pay for this last email, and he said he wouldn't charge for something that short. I said I could pay for future ones or agree to not email next week, but he said I didn't have to do that, how it was fine to still email if I want. (I still will do my best not to email for a stretch of time, barring, say, a need to switch an appointment or something like that).

When we were at 50 minutes, I was like, "Can I stay for another couple minutes please?" and he nodded. I was saying how I just wanted everything to be OK in the therapeutic relationship, and he said that it was from his end. I was also saying how I wanted him to like me as a client, to not be an annoyance, and he said, "You don't want to be a burden?" Me: "Yes." Him: "You're not a burden." Me: "OK, thanks." When I left, after the good-byes, I said again, "Everything is OK?" looking him in the eyes. Dr. T (holding eye contact): "Everything is OK." Me: "OK." (These are times when I really miss the handshake part.)

Will respond more later to posts, like this evening (have to finish a bit of work, then pick up D and take her to get her Covid booster, as the storms continue outside--sigh...).