Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
He said at one point today how he wondered if my email was a test of sorts. Well, OK, so what if it was? Isn't that something we could explore? Like, what is going on with me there?
I tried to explain some of it, but not sure he got it? As in how if I feel disconnected from someone important to me, I try to find a way to make the connection again, even if it means pushing the other person and risking rejection. Which apparently he finds to be annoying. But it seems an important pattern to examine. His annoyance (sorry, "irritation" comes first though, it seems).
I don't know if that makes any logical sense at all, but I think it has to do with feeling secure in a relationship. And I felt pretty secure with him for a long stretch there, and now that security feels very threatened. So I'm trying to get back to that safe place, but it's irritating him, and he's not responding in a safe way, so then I try even harder to get to that place, and he's even more distant.
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I agree that it would ultimately help you the most to dig into why you feel the need to email and get upset when he doesn't respond or doesn't give you the response you are looking for. It does appear that it is becoming more and more about him, probably because the emails you are sending are about him and not yourself. Any good therapist should be prioritizing the client and not their own problems. Mine always says, "you are not here to entertain me."
Since he doesn't seem to be going down that road, why don't you try bringing up exactly what you said above. Ask him to help you figure out why you feel the need to send the emails and how you can get past it. That should be the goal here; not trying to get him to respond to your emails in a certain way.