Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
It’s ok to step back and see the reality and often one can even wonder why they did not notice these dysfunctional behaviors realizing how damaging they really are.
It really takes a qualified professional to get to the bottom of what you are experiencing in terms of your husbands mood swings and his not really being present in a functional way. Substance abuse often develops when someone starts self medicating as a form of escape from a mental illness of some kind. As I mentioned, often a person struggling with Bipolar disorder begins to self medicate in an attempt to escape from a depressive episode. It can also be a combination of both trauma and bipolar that someone starts self medicating with drugs or alcohol or both to escape from.
The problem with this is that it impedes growth and maturity and it also tends to be narcissistic where the person does whatever needed to maintain the habit. When it comes to bipolar for example, the mania may last longer and the depressive episodes may not be as severe, or one day can be up and down.
It really takes a true professional to slowly observe and diagnose and treat a person that struggles. If your husband is not getting professional help then he will just continue to self medicate and present with these dysfunctional behavior patterns and expect others around him to put up with him. As you know, it’s not healthy and not fair for you or your children to have to live with.
I do not think that you can negotiate healthy behaviors without professional help. Actually, you can make an already unstable situation even worse.
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He’s been getting professional help, but it’s not enough. I think he needed to be inpatient much longer than he was, and would be in a better place now, maybe. I don’t want to make an unstable thing worse. I’m in way over my head. That’s why I’m stuck. I can’t stop worrying about how he’d be on his own, and the same time I keep trying to stand my ground so things aren’t too dysfunctional.
He got mad at me because I said he was lying, and he called me a waste of breath. He said I was insulting him so that’s why he said that me. I said it’s not insulting to say someone’s lying when they are. After that I did say that I guess I’m only of use to him if I support his delusions. Probably the meanest thing I’ve ever said. A bit later he walked by and I asked if he was too good to apologize for saying I’m a waste of breath, and he rolled his eyes and left. I could count his apologies on a few fingers and I’ve spent years apologizing for so many things, smoothing over. He can’t stand me any other way.
Been gone awhile now, no idea where. I was so close to feeling like that is definitely the end of us. I can’t negotiate, demand, beg, ask, suggest. He says he cannot do better and I need to understand that. But he can’t let me go either. If I stop being his rock I guess he’ll look for another. I don’t know.
I have felt so alone during all this, mostly because no one is there to help me. The mental health system has helped, but there’s no family support. I’m stranded stuck and in way over my head.