Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
This is what happened to me too! I was actually ready to do the relational work sooner, but I didn't know what I needed or what that looked like until I blundered into it with my current T. The symptoms started to resolve on their own once I could see the roots of everything clearly.
I think LT trying to make Dr. T into the therapist she needs is like a parentified child situation -- she has a sense of what is missing and is trying desperately to create it herself when she probably isn't really in a position to be able to do that.
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Yeah, I do wonder if I'm doing this. I'm trying to get from him what I didn't get from my dad. And I've been getting lots of support and validation from Dr. T recently. But now it feels like I've messed up, and I don't know how to get back in his good graces, aside from leaving him alone. And that's really painful for me.
It also feels like I was "bad." I know I have the whole "good girl" thing from childhood, where I had to follow the rules (in general and people's individual rules) in order to be loved and accepted. And my mom gave me the message that annoying (or "irritating," to use his word) someone is one of the worst things. I did tell Dr. T that earlier this week, and he seemed to get it. Maybe?
So even now, when I feel I broke the rules, it's like, "Well, there goes the love and support." It feels like it's my fault because I wasn't perfect. Like, I ruined something else. When I know much of this is about Dr. T's weaknesses and personal/therapeutic boundaries (and also that he can't be my parent).