Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal
Boy do I (still) relate to that "good girl" thing. Big time. Even at work still, when I call a member about their email they sent and they start yelling at me my immediate go-to inner response is "Oh no I'm in trouble" and I feel myself start to cry. Most times anymore I can stop it before I start crying but every now & then I still get a little teary. The "Oh no I'm in trouble, it's all my fault, they don't love me anymore, I'm not good enough" has nothing to do with the stranger on the phone of course but the inside reaction is there nonetheless, little Artie being afraid of the same thing - loss of love and support. It's huge. (I think now in retrospect, going on 6 months out from stopping therapy, I'm starting to understand that maybe I just hit the end of L's capacity for abandonment/relationship work when her response became "I'm not your mother or grandmother" "stop making this about me" and "I don't work that way.")
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Hugs, Artie. I'm sorry you deal with this, too, and that it affects you at work. My most recent non-T Good Girl reaction was when I was picking up a prescription for H at the CVS drive-thru. I'd only used it once before. There's a little drawer where I had to put my ID (pain meds) and payment. I put it there, the pharmacy tech didn't do anything for a minute, so I started to push the drawer in, thinking maybe I needed to do that. She said "Please don't do that" in a rather harsh tone, and I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." I felt bad about it the whole ride home. Told Dr. T about it as an example.
And it sounds like it was the right time to stop with L when she was saying those things. Ex-T once said, "I can't be your mother or your friend," and it was incredibly painful. I know Dr. T doesn't work in that modality either, but I'm thankful he hasn't said something like that (just other harsh things instead!)