I agree with Rive and want to add that relationally oriented therapy in particular has a reasonably high risk of going terribly wrong, even in the best of circumstances. My T had/has a ton of training, extensive supervision, and a circle of supportive colleagues and she still injured me pretty badly with a mistake at one point. It's messy, complicated stuff that requires the therapist to be well-trained, emotionally aware, and professionally supported. In a way, Dr. T is doing right by you by refusing to go beyond the scope of his practice. The little bits of conflict that have happened around relationally oriented concepts is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the pain this kind of thing can unleash.