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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Thanks, I do understand his point there--and yours. As I need to be able to deal with criticism, feedback, etc. in other areas of my life. But it also doesn't seem like he has suggestions on how to better deal with it. Just saying something is fine and normal is clearly not enough for me. Perhaps he has some other methods/suggestions? Or we need to spend more time examining the root cause of why I'm so sensitive to this?
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For some, like me, for example, examining the root cause may help to a certain extent, because it connects the dots to my present day difficulties (awareness). Which I'm not good at (yet). So it eases the shame I carry about "why am I so sensitive?!?!" and therefore grows an ability to pause instead of me defaulting to self hatred.
But it isn't always necessary, because maybe someone (like me haha) simply doesn't remember details or have a specific chain of memories to point to.
The important thing is that your reaction makes sense in the context of your life and your history, whether or not you know exactly why.
Awareness is the first step, and then what comes in would be what stopdog said (at least for me in my current therapy):
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Originally Posted by stopdog
It may be that part of it is seeing irritation happen from someone isn't fatal in general or fatal to that relationship. You and your husband get irritated with each other. You and your daughter -= it isn't fatal to the relationship. The same is true of this guy and you - it isn't fatal on either side.
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But then yeah, like you mentioned, he doesn't have suggestions on how to better deal with it / process it.
I wish I could tell you how my T and I managed to reduce my reassurance checking, since I had a whole lomg stage where my T reassuring me was clearly not enough for me. And she realised the compulsive nature of my need for reassurance, and we worked on it.