I can definitely relate to what you wrote from things that happened in my own life so my heart really goes out to you.

I think you are a very noble person, a person of stature to have endured the burdens that were forced upon you by life.

There is a kind of quiet heroism that goes along with bearing unwelcome heavy burdens that weigh down a person and become crushingly heavy. I believe this kind of heroism is even greater than that those rare feats of heroism that make the news.

So I see you are a heroic person.

Maybe I am wrong because I am often wrong about things but forgive me if I tell you a little story.

I know this woman who struggles with severe mental illness that has left her homeless. She lives day to day by begging. Her life is pretty bleak and desolate.

But she found a way to rise above her terrible misfortune.

In gas stations and convenience stores there are often little boxes where people can donate money for charities like the March of Dimes, the Red Cross, St. Jude's Children's Hospital and so on. This homeless lady has given herself a little mission to always donate some of the money she receives to these many charities.

She has given a meaning to her life of misery. And through her many little acts of kindness, I believe she has risen above her many misfortunes and attained a dignity that no one can take from her.

So I think that perhaps it is possible to rise above the terrible misfortunes that crush us.

Once I was diagnosed with a usually terminal illness and had to quarantine myself at home. I was on the medicine of last resort and if it didn't work that was going to be the end of me.

I read a little article about ants. Apparently the ants one sees running around on the ground scavanging for food are the oldest ants, the senior citizens of the ant world. Ants do not leave the colony until they are very old. It is thought that this is because it is dangerous to be running around out in the open. Lizards eat them. People and animals step on them and crush them.

So the job of scavaging is left to the elderly. When I was in quarantine at home, I used to go outside to get the mail and take out the garbage and such things. I felt as though my life was empty and meaningless. So I decide to do something.

I decided to walk carefully outside so as not to step on those little elderly ants that were out scavanging for food. These were tiny little deeds of kindness but they gave my life a meaning.

From there I decided to share some of my food with birds and squirrels and such. And through these little acts of kindness I felt as though I hade achieved meaning in spite of my misfortune.

Thankfully the last medicine I took did cure me. But I think now that a person can perhaps live through any misfortune if he or she has some reason to live. Maybe I am wrong.

In any case, I amso very, very sorry for the losses you have suffered in your life.

Not being in your shoes, I cannot judge how crushingly burdensom they are. No two people are alike. I hope you will find a reason to go on. I hope you will be able to rise above your misfortunes.

Sometimes people crushed by misfortune have trouble even getting out of bed in the morning or even doing the simplest things. For such people even getting out of bed can be incredibly heroic although sadly it is not a heroism that is celebrated.

Wish I knew how to help you but sadly I struggle day by day with my own personal burdens which often seen too heavy to bear.

Hopefully you will find these Forums helpful to you. They have helped me a lot to feel less alone with my suffering.

I also hope that people here with more compassion, understanding, knowledge, experience and wisdom will see your post today and respond with words more helpful than my poor pathetic words.

I salute you for enduring what you have enduring in your life. So much heartbreak and distress! Just heartbreaking!

So very very sorry for your ordeal! Best to you and welcome to these Forums! Thank you for posting what you did. It helps me a lot.