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Originally Posted by unaluna
Yeah ive been told im being manipulative when i try to avoid these accusations by preloading the situation so to speak. You cant have it where you are perfect and always anticipating and trying to cancel out the other person's response. How is that a fair adult relationship? Its not, its childish. I never do anything wrong.
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I'm not sure it's necessarily childish, but it's sort of a losing battle. Dr. T said recently how you can try to follow all of someone's "rules" (a term I've used), but you're still going to bump up against each other at some point because you're human. There's no realistic way to avoid conflict with everyone--unless maybe all your relationships are with conflict-avoidant people, and there there will still end up being conflicts at times--then they're more likely to be big blowups, because the person kept an issue(s) inside until it became a huge deal.
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Like smileygal said, it kept us alive at one point. I learned how to not tick my mother off. I learned to stop asking for whatever it was - memorably a kiss on the cheek when she left for work. Somebody getting really ticked at me still works to motivate me. Its about the only thing that does.
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I do think they're survival tactics in some way. For me, mainly to avoid rejection and abandonment, I'd say. To get approval. Etc.