Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
On root causes, I think they can be generally useful. I know they’re important to you, LT, but what has often struck me is how detailed they are in your case. It’s often something like “X said this and it reminded me of when Y happened when I was 3 and so I reacted Z way.” And then the focus remains that highly specific root cause, not the present moment. Whereas for me a root cause might boil down to “my mother was not as emotionally available as I would have liked her to be” rather than specific instances, and then there’s not much to be done with that except try to keep it from my affecting my present.
Probably to a certain point that level of detail suits you and helps you, maybe is characteristic of your OCD. But I think it adds to the stuckness. And in that sense Dr. T may be better fit for you than a talk therapist, because he’s not interested in root causes and isn’t trained to be. Even a good talk therapist, though, will start pushing at stuckness.
I do think, having read this board for seven years now, that trying to get a therapist to be the therapist we want is usually a path to unnecessary pain.
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Thanks for the comments. I do suspect that detail is part of my OCD. I hadn't considered how that might contribute to the stuckness. Dr. T does mention how hung up I tend to be on dates as well, remembering exactly when something happened, which I'm pretty certain is the OCD. How I tend to remember negative dates rather than positive ones, too.
I intend to talk to him more tomorrow about ways to overcome some of the stuckness--mindfulness is one of his areas of training, and I imagine that could be helpful, in focusing on the here and now as opposed to the past. I admit I've been rather resistant at times to using some of those techniques, such as meditation or taking part in activities where I'm entirely focused on what's going on in front of me (I am trying to get back into painting and cooking, which can get me out of my head).
I think I have shifted Dr. T closer to the direction of the therapist I want, but I know he will never quite be there. And then there's the difference between the therapist I *want* and the therapist I *need*. Like, in some ways, do I want someone warm and fuzzy? Yes. But would that necessarily be good for me? I don't know--it would depend on whether they also challenged and pushed me.