I 100% do NOT want to go to program today. I’m so tired. I got back from my walk a half hour ago and I feel like going back to sleep. I hate seroquel. But I can’t sleep without it apparently, so I’m considering stopping the gabapentin and just taking the small dose of seroquel and seeing how that goes. Maybe taking it way earlier. I took it late last night.

Money is going to be VERY tight this month, RS has to pay his vehicle insurance. And I’m still not working, and I don’t know if I’ll be at the same job next year because I don’t know if the outside disability company will approve my disability because it’s taken me so long to get the paperwork together. I might have to call and try to appeal again but they probably won’t let me. See if I had just had someone able to do it for me when I was sick I wouldn’t be in this mess. Again it goes back to needing help and no one helping me. I’m TIRED.

We have to go to my nieces birthday party on Saturday and I really don’t want to. They live 45 minutes away so that’s a lot of gas, they have a TINY townhouse, they got a big puppy for some reason, she’s not trained yet so she’s jumpy and Barky. CR doesn’t like bigger dogs. In top of all that their house is FILTHY and cluttered and I can’t stand it. It reminds me of my mom’s. I wish they would just come here, I’d be more amenable. Plus I really have no energy for my SIL, love her to death but she keeps coming to me saying she’s going to harm herself and there’s really nothing I can do. I want her to talk to a professional but she won’t for some reason. I’m not a therapist I can’t handle this.

Ugh I’m just not in a good mood.