@OneTreeinTheForest Yes, having a student sitting in on your sessions would certainly complicate things. I recall being in a psychiatric consult situation where there was a student present. The circumstances in that case were such that it wasn't a major stumbling block for me. But I can see where it would be in your situation.

I have to admit that, when I first replied to your post, I failed to notice (or at least take into account) the fact you are in the U.K. I know, from reading posts here on MSF over the years, that accessing mental health services there can be a long, drawn-out and frustrating affair.

You know, one thing I did fail to mention in my reply is that there is no shame in having a fetish. (Look who's talking! You probably didn't need me to tell you that.) There are more types of fetishes than I, at least, even realized existed until I began looking into them. Plus, since most of them are considered harmless in-&-of themselves, there's little research being done with regard to them. So no one really knows why they occur. What's problematic is the guilt, shame, anxiety and depression that can develop over having one. And, since there's really no known cure for a fetish, the answer is often simply learning to accept one has one along with learning to incorporate it into one's life in such a way that it does not interfere with living one's day-to-day life. I will say that, as I've gotten older, my own struggles with these sorts of things have diminished to a significant degree. But it admittedly took a long time for that to happen. So that's not of much comfort to someone your age.

I wish I had something else to suggest to you with regard to your situation. But, unfortunately I don't think I do. I recall you mentioned not wanting to join a BDSM forum. And, based on what I've read on other forums on the internet, I think this may be a wise decision. On the other hand, one thing that has been important to me in my life has been simply coming to the realization that I'm not the only person in the history of the world who had the kinds of struggles I've had. There were many decades during which I thought I must have been the only person in the world who had ever had the kinds of thoughts and compulsions I had. Learning there were others, many others, just like me was liberating. It didn't change anything in terms of my circumstances. But at least I knew I was not alone. But, then, I think I'm just starting to ramble now. Please forgive me. It's the sort of thing that happens when you get old. Best wishes...