@OneTreeinTheForest Oh... I really haven't heard anything really specific. But I read posts on an ABDL forum I found a while back (I'm not a member... just a snooper) I just recall reading various members' posts where they said that other fetish-related forums they have been on tended to be "clickish". And it was easy to run afoul of other members who seemed more interested in arguing than in being supportive. So it's all simply an impression I've developed over time.

You've mentioned past trauma you've experienced as being a possible cause of the BDSM-related difficulties you're struggling with. Perhaps trying to resolve those past traumas (without getting into the BDSM stuff) is the key to all of this? We know there are no cures for fetishes. So, there is a sense in which talking with therapists about fetishes is kind-of pointless. And I don't think a lot of people who have fetishes seek therapy for them. Trauma work, however, is something that can help (I presume. I can't say as I can attest to that personally. But, again, it's an impression I've developed reading internet articles as well as posts written by other members here on MSF.) So maybe just do what you can to put your BDSM-related struggles "on the back burner", so to speak, for the time being and try as best you can to work through those past traumas. If you can resolve those, perhaps it will turn out you really never did have any true fetishes to begin with. But if you find you still do, you can figure out how to handle them then, once you've done as much as you can in the way of trauma work. I don't know... just a thought.

I'm quite certain there are great trauma-work resources out there, probably including workbooks, that can be helpful in resolving past traumas. And I presume if you were to post a request, here on MSF, for recommendations regarding these types of resources, you might get some excellent suggestions. I do know there are lots of members here who have dealt with, and are dealing with, past traumas.

One other thing I might just throw out here is that, in my own case, I have a lot of "stuff" (I'll spare you the details) I can't do anything about that continues to swirl around in my head like a merry-go-round. And a technique I've come to rely on for dealing with all of it is something that is referred to as "compassionate abiding". It's a Buddhist practice I learned reading the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. However, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

May it be of benefit.