I am working at the moment. My Pdoc and I discussed this yesterday and we both agreed that it likely would have been a good idea for me to have taken time off last month when my friend died, but that is easier to see in hindsight. But it would have prevented me from being very symptomatic at work and word vomiting all over my boss (twice) and thinking that people/coworkers were after me. EEK. Not my best week at work. Luckily my boss sort of overlooked my craziness! I say craziness because I don't have a better word even though I don't like that word much.

This week and next week our big bosses are here from NY. I was supposed to have my mammogram next week but one of my bosses kind of freaked out that I was going to be gone from work for 2 hours while they were here. So I rearranged my schedule (and luckily the mammogram place had a cancellation for the following week). But I do have the 17th off as a vacation day. My sister is coming into town on the 16th so we will be able to spend the day together. So that is something to look forward to.

I am not having as many suicidal thoughts as previously but I am still having them. I talked to T about it and she didn't seem overly concerned, neither did Pdoc. I kind of think I should have done that residential treatment program that I looked at earlier this year but oh well. T said we could talk this weekend if we need to (my parents will be gone and I don't tend to do well when they go away) so she is trying to be helpful. She is also going to try to help me address my dependence/attachment to my parents. So that will probably be good. Occasionally I think i should go to the hospital but I have managed to stay out of the hospital since October last year. I'm going through a medication change at the moment so we will see how this goes.

Thanks for checking on me. You are a dear.