My recovery isn't going too well. I'm home. I'm much less sick, but not well either. I can't eat normally. I can't eat much. I go for blood work tomorrow.

I spoke to each of my sisters today. One calls me a lot and shows interest and concern. I decided to call the other one (who ghosted me) because I have been giving her the benefit of the doubt. She seemed friendly last time I called.

So I phoned her. No answer. I figured she was busy or maybe gone to bed. Ten minutes later, she returned my call. I tried to chat, but she seemed uninterested in talking. In twenty minutes, she said she needed to go to bed. So that was that. She's always been a night owl and used to call me and want to talk for hours.

I like to think I can take a hint. No more benefit of the doubt. This is someone showing me she's just not caring a lot about me. So right now I'm feeling bad.

This is an old thread and not much more anyone can tell me. I just had to come here tonight because this is big for me. My sense of loss right now is very big. This really hurts. I've been through this before with her. Back in 2013, she went a year not speaking to me. (I litterally can't even remember why.) I decided to just accept and let go. Then, out of the blue, she called all friendly. And we became close again.

Now, when I've been quite unwell, she is having some major mood shift towards me. This is not the time. I think I need to let go of this and not seek anymore to get support from her.

I've felt tonight that I want to tell her how hurt I am. Maybe write her a simple, straightforward letter. Then I think . . . maybe not.

It feels like an awful lot to keep bottled up. However, if I pour out my hurt to her, I might just permanently poison the relationship. I think - better to remain courteous and act like nothing is wrong. Even if I decide she is selfish and not someone I will ever trust again, I don't want awkwardness at future family get togethers. So I think it's best to just choke back my feelings and ignore her as much as she ignores me. No need for a confrontation. I don't think it would accomplish anything good.

I'm sick and very worried. I've never been seriously ill in my life before. The prospect that I may not fully recover from this to how I was terrifies me. And I am alone, since my sig. other dying 2 years ago. So feeling suddenly rejected by someone I thought would care, if I really needed her support, has me kind of shocked.

Worst of all, I am now very depressed over this phone call. I cannot afford to get depressed mentally on top of being sick physically. For two years, I've adjusted to the loss of my boyfriend, after first having a period of severe depression that got me admitted to a psych ward. (Where I did get good care.) Briefly, back then, I was near suicidality in my thinking. But that did not last long, and I recovered. Now I'm ill, and there is no one to take care of me but me. I cannot afford to get depressed and suffer the self-neglect that comes with depression. That could get me a lot sicker than I might otherwise be. I possibly and probably can and will recover. But I have to pursue medical attention and advocate for myself that I get the appropriate medical care needed. It's questionable whether I am getting all the follow-up I need. Today my primary expressed that she is concerned that I have no follow up with a GI specialist. What should have been a routine recovery has become a relapsing illness that could cause me to need major surgery of a scarey type. Just the thought of that has given me dark thoughts of just wanting to escape everything. But I curtailed that. I did not fall into depression. Emotionally, I feel very unwell after that phone call tonight. I probably will not try calling that sister further. I think I need to detach from her.