here are the EDIT OPTIONS pertaining to messaging. You need to CHECK the 2nd option so that you can send/receive to anyone.

Or you have to "friend" them first.

I have written CHECK where you need to check the box and DO NOT CHECK where you should leave it blank. I hope this helps.

P.s. that joke is hilarious!

Private Messaging
This forum features a private messaging system, which allows members to send messages to one another privately.

If you do not want to send or receive private messages, you may disable the private messaging system.
CHECK Enable Private Messaging

You may limit the receipt of private messages to just moderators and your contacts. Other members who attempt to send messages to you will be told that you have disabled private messaging.
DO NOT CHECK Receive Private Messages only from Contacts and Moderators

The forum can send a message to your email address to inform you when someone sends you a private message.
I DO NOT CHECK Receive Email Notification of New Private Messages

If you are browsing the forums when you receive a new private message, the system can pop-up a notification box informing you of the new message.
I DO CHECK Show New Private Message Notification Pop-up

Visitor Messaging
This forum features a visitor messaging system that allows members to send messages to one another publicly.

If you do not want to receive visitor messages, you may disable the visitor messaging system.
CHECK Enable Visitor Messaging

You may limit the usage of your visitor messages to just moderators and your contacts.
DO NOT CHECK Limit usage of Visitor Messages to Contacts and Moderators