There might be some books to read on signs of healthy versus unhealthy and potentially dangerous situations. Also good therapist could help with that.

Sometimes for whatever crazy reason young girls learn that if boys is hitting or pushing or calling girls names it’s because he likes them. Wrong! Then these girls grow into women who dismiss abusive words and actions and call it flirting. No one healthy would threaten violence or stick middle finger at women or at anyone for that matter. He also sounds mysoginistic (women talk too much?). The guy is potentially dangerous.

Luckily you dodged the bullet. Be very careful and pay attention what they see and do. Don’t look for secret meanings. What you see is what you get. They don’t call you and don’t pick up the phone when you call: they are not interested, no other secret meanings. They tell you they like to be violent with you: they aren’t flirting and they aren’t joking either.

Be safe