Yes, she doesn't care about herself.

Her family treats her horribly because they can. She will do anything they ask of her. She is like their willing slave.

But, worse is that she won't take care of her health. She has smoked for 30 years and will often tell me she isn't going to live long due to that. But she drinks and she eats too much. So it is a bad fit when I say anything about my health because she doesn't care at all about hers.

I get it, her mom has cancer and so she is a partial caretaker and that is horrible but, I did this terrible thing with my own parents like 10 years ago.

Even more reason then that she should take this less hectic job and get her life in order.. but I think she likes the hectic job so she won't have to look at the mess of her own life... and that is why she fears it so and IMHO irrationally doens't want to look at it.