I don't think "blame" is the right word. No one is blaming you for how you feel. Yes, it may be an overreaction compared to a certain population of people but the "blame" can also not be placed on the other person. You cannot control other people, you can only control yourself and the way you respond to life. As your T says, it is only mildly irritating. He also has the skills to speak up when things are starting to irritate him in order to maintain his own distress tolerance. While you may not have been taught how to handle emotions by your parents, he is being a great example of how it is done in a healthy way.

I'm not quite sure if your T just doesn't know how to teach you distress tolerance skills, maybe he has and you have turned them down or not explored or practiced enough such as DBT and Mindfulness , or he is waiting for you to want to learn. You mentioned somewhere that a T recommended DBT and honestly I think this would be a great class for you to sign up for. Yes, it is at least a 6 month commitment, but you will learn so many skills to deal with life when things will undoubtedly not go your way, relationship skills, distress tolerance and self-awareness. It will also provide you that "required" email contact you desire when difficult situations arise.

It really struck me as maybe a breakthrough moment when he said to you that this was the first time you expressed your want to NOT react the way you do. IMO he is a laid back, not very helpful T that just allows you to use him as a sounding board but that is only based on what you write. I do know that many therapists will not work any harder than the client. Now obviously you are very involved in your therapy but again, I can't really tell if you truly desire to improve yourself or just continue therapy to express your daily concerns to get validation that your feelings are acceptable. Yes, we all have the right to fell however we do, but wouldn't it me nice to have the skills to think differently, respond differently, and not feel all the pain of our emotions. This is not going to improve by just talking and getting validation. That takes a lot of work, sitting with and really feeling the emotion, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, and practicing distress tolerance skills.


Anyway, if he can help you with this he may be waiting for you to admit that you need to change your own reactions in order to change your life. He may be waiting for you to push for him to help you . Help you learn skills, not just providing validation.

When isn't some of it potentially on the other person to help me feel secure in it? (Yes, I know, I can't rely on another person to make me feel secure....)

While it might be nice for everyone to treat us with kid gloves and be able to read our minds and respond the way we want them to because they are always consciously communicating with our feelings in mind...the world doesn't work that way. The other person has their own autonomy and issues going on and are doing their best to get through life while dragging their issues with them as well. I would say we can only expect that kind of treatment from loved ones and even then only part of the time. Relationships are a two way street. Maybe that is why you seem to enjoy therapy....because it is meant to be a one-way street?

Sorry I have been rambling. I am currently struggling with my own feelings on a situation at work that I have to tolerate and deal with and have absolutely no control over. It is totally consuming me and dragging me down a deep hole. I am trying my best but it is hard. My T made me sit with the feelings yesterday and tried to help me with skill options and we did EMDR on it as my reactions of frustration feel exactly the same as I felt and still feel when dealing with my mother. I know I have to get over my past to better tolerate the present. Although my T also validated my feelings, we both know that that is not going to make me feel any better.