i was thinking the other day again. how i used to always say "part of me wants x, part of me wants y". I never got to talk about this with you. But I think, I think, every time I say that, it's like, yet another way of not accepting/not owning parts of myself. Even though I say "part of me" - if it's not all of me, then I'm not accepting it, I'm not whole. There's an unsaid in there that goes something like this: "The part of me that I refuse to acknowledge wants x, but the part of me that I do acknowledge that is afraid of living wants y."

I'm going to focus on not saying the 'part of me' thing anymore. Instead I am choosing to say "I want one of two things: x or y and I am working it out." I am tired of not being whole. My goal for turning 60 is to do so in wholeness. It is what we were working for, for so long.