I would urge you to beware of thinking of your husband's behavior as mainly a "medical" issue.

It is the trend now to medicalize problems of living and to medicalize problems of human behavior. This, I believe, leads many down pathways that go round in circles forever to no good destination. The medical establishment is never going to solve all problems of human difficulty. Not everything that is wrong with your husband is a "sickness." If you see him as mainly a sick man, in need of medical care, you are blind to a huge piece of the picture. Good character was never formed in him. There are no medical "professionals" who have any more power to change that than you, me or the postman.

I don't doubt that there is a sad story behind why your husband failed to develop into a mature, honorable man. I'm prepared to accept that it may not be his fault that he is what he is. I feel compassion for his failure to receive growing up what he needed. For whatever set of reasons, he has turned out the way he has.

Try to understand that medical help will never solve his most basic problem, which is a malformation of his character - a failure to develop good values. He is who he is. You cannot love him into being someone other than who he is.

Possibly, various forms of treatment and rehab, where he gets loads of attention - if that could be found - might lead him to alter some of his behavior superficially. He might be capable of learning some more effective strategy for handling this or that stressor. That kind of change, however, would be no more than skin deep. Deep down, he has deplorable attitudes toward other human beings. At his age, those attitudes are permanent.

You write with intelligence. At times, you identify the problem with insight. In one of your posts, the word, "jerk," got put down. The word may sound uncharitable, but that don't mean it's not valid.