I'm off the deep end.

What do you guys think about me (When I'm doing bad)? Any insights? Criticisms?

I want to know truth.. I'm so confused. Horribly confused. I have so much regret. I don't know which of my thoughts are real.

I want to just snap out of it - And I'll partially do that. I'll stay working - Go to work on Monday.. I'll make more money that I don't need. I just do things that other people want me to do. I should follow my own heart - But I don't know what I want.

I should have been in the psych ward months ago - But at the point that I admit help, I'll have to be forced. The philosophical suicide is what I feel alone with - That we're born alone, die alone. The solipsism stays, like tripping.

I don't know why some people online like to help me, say I'm strong with what I went through, smart, etc.. And then they show off theirselves to me.

And reality is horrific. The reason I complain about normal things in life is cuz of the DP/DR that I had. It makes me freak out about everything. I want to stop the olanzepine.. See what happens for the 3rd time.

I'm sorry that I'm so dangerously unstable.