I talked with my mom for an hour or so - She and her friend said that I looked sad. I told her about the microdose, wanting to use psychosis as a way to understanding reality, being freaked out and disturbed by reality.. I said a lot of stuff.

What I'm going to do is give complete control to my psychiatrist.. She says that I can't just tell him only the good things and say everything is fine, then get the meds that I want.. Yknow?

I said that I don't like being told what to do and I trust my intuition - and I admit that my intuition can be wrong.. just the bad things that happen along the way to what I know is good... Idk

Yeah I want to try out school @SP - I finished that college course and THEN the pandemic happened.. Even though I have an incredible amount of uncertainty, I still want to go to school (Even if I can drop out and somehow become successful with the knowledge that I've learned/strategies to learning). When I was put on the disability for schiz, doctors said that I could use the money to pay for the meds and go to school (That was the whole idea - Until I screwed up with the things I was buying online).

I won't microdose anymore.. I'll figure things out...