Thread: Stuck
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Old Jun 06, 2022, 11:06 PM
Starlingflock Starlingflock is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2022
Location: Usa
Posts: 242
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernMark View Post
Hi,
It seems you have love for him so that is something better than what many in these problems are willing to admit. Big mistake to tell your spouse you don't love him when you do. It is common if we are talking about frequency but for men, they take you serious and believe you. So, thanks for being a decent example.. I would caution you on engaging your daughter in negative dialogue about your husband. It is easy for the children to see it easy and if you load your decision on her it won't go well. I am also surprised you aren't swayed by the serpent's advice - it is typical and soliciting negative advice is what it might seem you are doing as it isn't them who has to deal with your decision. "I'm sorry you're in a failed marriage" is a leading statement, for example.

If you are serious about your marriage then you have to be responsible only for your part of the failure and nothing more. Judgment coming from outside your marriage is heavy and it isn't helpful to get a second baseman who is a switch hitter for the competition of heavy. Sounds like you have an idea of problems he has to work on but like I said he is probably a big boy and if you address your side of the relationship he might find a reason to live again.

Hope the best for you - don't give up and find your center. You say you are a good mother so you should be able to spot those individuals who are working against your interests. You are responsible it seems so remember you first need to worry about outside influence before worrying about your spouse's reactionary ways.
Thanks for your perspective, northernmark. I won’t give up, although yesterday I was feeling down. I was wondering how much the relationship has to do with feeling down. Part of my frustration is feeling stuck between two ideas, and therefore not knowing where to put energy right now. My counselor commented that I am very fact based and not emotional. She said that’s good. I agree, especially because I am focused on making good decisions. However, I don’t have consistent strong feelings to push me, so I take my time with things. I have always been positive about my husband around my kids, but likely took it too far, because my kids were effected negatively by him and told me so.

I appreciate your words: “If you are serious about your marriage then you have to be responsible only for your part of the failure and nothing more.“

I need to ponder this.