LT, your relationship with Dr. T reminds me of the square peg in a round hole. Sometimes it fits and connects. But most of the time, it does not connect. And because it technically fits, you keep trying to make it work. And it is, with your D. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting the relationship to work especially since you are getting much needed and wanted support for your D. But for you, Dr. T doesn't seem to help with your issues. He seems to trigger you.

I feel for you, LT. I know you're trying your absolute best. That's why you even seek out support and opinions here. And I know what it's like to so desperately want a relationship to work, even a therapeutic one.

Please know this: I do read and support whatever path you choose. And I think you're working really hard on yourself and with your D. But also remember to be gentle with yourself. The goal is not perfection; it's being good enough. Hugs if wanted.