My thoughts and feelings were love ideas, for example “can’t turn my back on” him, marriage vows-sickness and health, family, and so on. Ive realized now those are my “values” and I can’t just superimpose them on the situation. I can easily say I love him, but I know this dynamic is something else.

I want to be honest with myself about how I feel, but that’s exactly opposite of what I’ve been doing about many things for a very long time, if not my entire life. I’ve had to overcome a lot of brainwashing as-is. I’m working hard.

Something that used to persuade me, “he loves you so much.” “I love you madly.”