Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
In some ways, I thought it would be better to have a T who wasn't like that, who was just open and honest with me. But at times, I feel like Dr. T's feelings are in the room too much, that it becomes more about him and his reactions. And it's usually negative feelings, in reaction to something I've said or done.
Or even if he's saying something is OK, he often says it in a more negative way. On Friday (I think?), it came up again how I'm careful in what I say to him. I mentioned how I'd said in a recent session that I wanted to say I felt loved by him, but didn't know if he'd feel weird about it. And how at the time I said that, he didn't say anything at all, and I just felt awkward. Then Friday, he said, "I don't recall feeling weirded out by anything in that conversation." Which I know is him trying to reassure me, but it's kind of an odd way of saying it. As opposed to, for example, "I felt OK about that discussion."
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Can I just say, the second of the two paragraphs I quoted is him being him, and that’s not going to change. You can’t control someone else’s script. You can only manage your feelings about it.
The first, to be honest, going from your posts here, is sometimes true of him, but I also think you often bring his feelings and reactions into the room by focusing a lot on them. I know that it is hard not to do that, but there are advantages to thinking of the therapist as a stick of furniture, a la stopdog, at times. (Not saying all the time, but when you think more about them then you, that’s a good time.
And for those reasons I second zoiecat’s DBT suggestion. I know you find CBT invalidating, and I imagine you’d feel the same about DBT, but I also think it might be worth setting a time frame, like a couple months, to try DBT while ignoring the feelings of invalidation, because feeling those feelings and learning how to deal with them is how those therapies work.