Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Can I just say, the second of the two paragraphs I quoted is him being him, and that’s not going to change. You can’t control someone else’s script. You can only manage your feelings about it.
The first, to be honest, going from your posts here, is sometimes true of him, but I also think you often bring his feelings and reactions into the room by focusing a lot on them. I know that it is hard not to do that, but there are advantages to thinking of the therapist as a stick of furniture, a la stopdog, at times. (Not saying all the time, but when you think more about them then you, that’s a good time.
And for those reasons I second zoiecat’s DBT suggestion. I know you find CBT invalidating, and I imagine you’d feel the same about DBT, but I also think it might be worth setting a time frame, like a couple months, to try DBT while ignoring the feelings of invalidation, because feeling those feelings and learning how to deal with them is how those therapies work.
|
Thanks, @@. I was actually going to include a sort of disclaimer at the end of "Yes, I know, I can't dictate how someone responds to me." And I agree it's who he is, so I do my best to just understand those are his ways of saying something is OK.
I know I also bring his feelings into the room or at least keep them in the room once he's brought them in. I guess I also tend to do that with most everyone, which can be good in some senses--that I'm sensitive to people's feelings--but clearly bad in others. I suppose I'll try the furniture thing, though as you said, it will be difficult for me.
I guess part of the issue with him is that if I just sort of try to ignore his feelings, then he'll probably bring them up. But I guess I just live with that? Let him say he's irritated or whatever, say, "OK, sorry about that, I'll stop," then drop it? (I know, that probably sounds very obvious!)
I did get a DBT workbook from Amazon. Yes, I know, I get the most benefit from taking a class (and/or working with a DBT T), but while I look into those, I figure I can at least be reading about it and trying out some things. From a glance, some seem pretty self-explanatory, like some of the mindfulness ones, whereas others I'd probably want someone to help me with the process and tell me if I'm doing it right.