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Jun 08, 2022, 02:20 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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I had a rough night and got some deep sleep this morning, but had a nightmare that I was in a violent car accident. Boy, every detail was there. Strangely, as I sat in the car I was driving with my car and many others completely smashed around me, I felt physically fine. I was not injured. Going through the crash, however, was terrifying. The nightmare awoke me and I'm trying to shake it off, but I want to go back and sleep some more.
Mary called me yesterday and left a message telling me all about the state of her health and that she's planning to be back on July 7th (which could easily stretch out). She never even said, "I hope your doing well" - nothing. Just went on about herself. She loves to talk about herself.
I knew then that I am done with her. I spent hours composing an email to her, explaining why I am ending therapy. What she's doing is so selfish I believe it is unethical. As I've said, if this was a one-time leave - entirely understandable. But this is a reliable pattern of repeated absences, many of them long-term.
I feel angry with myself for not leaving therapy with her 2 years ago, when I knew I wasn't having any improvement, but actually felt more traumatized. It was easy for me to closely bond with Mary, and I think that was because by the time I saw her I was desperate.
I am quite sure that she will request a closure session. Although my email was long and allowed me to release plenty of thoughts and feelings, I sure would like to tell Mary more...to further impress upon her that her behavior has had a strongly negative effect on me. That said, I am going to do my very best to reject any further time spent with her. I do not foresee a closure session being healthy for me, at all.
We're going to be baking at over 100 starting tomorrow. I actually don't mind, I can be inside my apartment with the a/c and fans on and keep the world out. I've been skating so much, so I may take a break today and work on stretching.
Gentle hugs 
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