Quote:
Originally Posted by Starlingflock
Also, worrying that he’ll harm himself for the last few years. It’s hard to turn that off. It complicates my thinking and feeling. it’s changed how I feel but I haven’t paid a lot of thoughtful attention to the difference.
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Of course, that's how he manipulates you so as to keep you captive. By staying you are not helping him (this is not support), you are merely enabling him to continue doing as he pleases. And you deprive him of a chance to seek help. (if he has everything he needs and gets his own way, why would he ever change?!)
At the end of the day, he is an adult, a grown-man whose actions are his own. You are
not responsible for his actions. He knows how to 'play' you.
Just like the wedding vows you mention (better or worse, sickness or health): IF someone refuses to get help and continues abusing their partner and a young child, you think
vows still take precedence?! Staying in abusive situations is not healthy for anyone (let alone the young child).
There comes a point where you need to weight carefully whether the 'shoulds' (should stay, should uphold vows) outweigh the costs to you and your daughter.
It's like someone drowning, you think you are helping but they are dragging you down. So you all drown together?! You have to save yourself if the other will not take responsibility for their own life... and worse, if they are dragging you and their child along.