Thank you @SlumberKitty. Of all of the loses in my life, this one has hit me hardest. Might just be me getting older and struggling to deal with my emotions, but this hurts really bad. The only reason I'm still alive is my two dogs and now one of them is gone. The tears come in giant waves and I can't stop them. But then when they do stop I feel guilty. I thought by now I'd be empty, but they don't stop.

I am forever grateful that I knew he was going to die soon. With my other dogs over the years, it seemed that I had to put them to sleep the day I found out something was wrong. To be able to have the extra time was a blessing. We went to the big park a couple of times so he could be outside and feel the breeze and sunshine and the smells. As the vet was giving him the first sleeping shot, she had me feed him peanut butter (his favorite). The last thing he ever did was lick my fingers. And then he was gone.

Wow, does this hurt so much.

My other dog is sleeping in the bedroom as she usually does. I feel incredibly lonely right now. I stare at his bed and he's not there and I feel all alone with this grief. I go see her often to check to see that she's OK. Maybe she just doesn't understand yet. On my last check I told her how lonely I was and how I wish she would check on me. I know it doesn't matter to her, yet.

Thank you again for your kind words. I know you understand.