In 2020, the DP/DR usually happened when the stim wore off. But I also smoke a little weed every day - So that could be the cause of the derealization.

My mom HATES that I smoke it.. We were watching a documentary about a suicide related to schizophrenia and there was video of the guy smoking weed and my mom said "Did you realize how I zeroed in on that?" - Because weed wasn't mentioned in the documentary.

The reason I smoke it.. or really, do anything like this - Is cuz of objective paranoia.. the government is not to be trust/psychiatry trusted less too..

The derealization is mild - But can cause problems with me complaining to my family (And they don't really know what the hell I'm talking about)..

I try SP.. I don't want to deal with this stuff - But I'm consumed. The conspiracies and lateral thinking... finding connections.. magical thinking.. coincidences and synchronicities. I need to save myself, know about dangers. Idk. I'll try to ease on everything and relax.

I'm going to Mexico for holiday soon - My dad will come to visit. There's things to look forward too - The pandemic etc.. made everyones mental health worse. So people look at my mental health and say "It's not that bad" when before the pandemic, I could have been hospitalized.

My focus is very good - It's just my concentration.. And I'm so much more aware now - It's just too much information about life, quotes, cliches, meanings, advise, rules, responsibilities, realization of consequences - I'm better than before and during that time when I was bad, I was neglected. So it's different now.. I'm doing better but everyone is on me, making it seem worse. So I learn about what it takes to concentrate, find meaning in life, enjoy myself. My focus was bad since I was born. Very bad.

The basement was a bad time. I want to prevent anything like that ever happening again lol..

I sleep 10-12 hours a night as well - Fully. I don't really wake up in the middle of the night (Just to drink some water).