Hey. Australasian culture is such that people go out and hang out in mixed groups. If people split off from the group to date then that means that things are serious - that there seriously is a potential there for them to screw and / or develop a serious relationship. You get to know people pretty well in a group setting. So if you split off from the group in order to date someone then that implies that it is serious.

What I meant with respect to us not having a 'dating culture' is that dating is considered a serious thing to do by its nature. If you date someone then that implies that you have known them in a group setting for a time and that you were friends before you decided to date. The US idea of going on 'blind dates' or on going on dates with people who you haven't met in a group setting and developed a friendship with is something that is fairly foreign (though not unheard of).

So when someone tells me they are dating other people I hear: They are interested in developing a serious relationship with the person / people they are dating and / or they are looking at developing a sexual relationship with them. I know that y goes out to dinner with female friends that he had and x girlfriends and I never minded that - but then he never referred to those as dates. From his perspective, it doesn't follow that because he is dating other people that he is interested (or potentially interested) in having a serious relationship with them at all.

Cultural difference? Or is y just amazingly lacking in insight? I don't know... It doesn't really matter from my perspective, I guess... But he did say: 'I don't think it is fair for you to ask me not to date other people'. I replied: 'I don't think it is a matter of fairness. I mean, I could similarly ask you how fair is it for you to *want* to date other people given how I feel about you? It isn't a matter of fairness. Maybe it is just that we want different things in a relationship...

Part of the trouble is that we only ever got to spend six and a half weeks together all up. About 9 months of the long distance thing... But only six and a half weeks together. I knew him (and hung out with him in a group) for a couple weeks... And then we hooked up and I basically moved in (unofficially) for a couple weeks. Then six months of long distance (which seemed to go fine). Then I visited him for three and a half weeks... Then after that things seemed to go downhill. There are so many reasons why things might have gone downhill... So many... But the thing was: I was prepared to commit to having a relationship with him and I was sure that we could work through the problems. Whereas he... I think he might be a person who 'floats into' relationships - and then gives up on them when the going gets tough. I tried to figure out what went wrong... He comes up with reasons... But when I question the reasons (because they aren't so good reasons) he doesn't change his conclusion. I'm not sure he knows the real reasons driving his conclusion. I've given him many outs: Is it that you see me as a friend more than a lover? - no. Is it that you see me more as a sister or friend or something non-sexual like that? - no, I'm physically attracted to you. Is it that you are grieving over your fathers recent death? - no, it isn't that. Well then... What the %#@&#! is it? Your reasons don't make sense... I don't understand. But then... Maybe he doesn't either.

We slept together once. Just before I left. It was awkward. But then: First times usually are. I think... My general feeling... Was that he was reluctant. But we never could figure out why. Then next thing I hear... He wants to date other people. I asked 'are you breaking up with me?' and he was like... 'No. I didn't think of it like that'. Neither of us are going to change our plans - so we will be in the same place for 9 months. It is unclear how much of each other we are going to see. Before we broke up I was going to ask him about whether we might live together for that time... He was like 'I'm going to live 10 minutes away from x so that wouldn't be feasible for you'. I've since learned that that is where most of the students live and that there are free buses from there to where I need to go. His excuses are full of %#@&#!. But he has decided on the conclusion. I guess I just need to accept that. And not... Just let things happen. That would be so easy. To float into something... To float out of it at the end of 9 months while he goes back to dating other people. No. That would hurt too much.