Thanks @Gingernutx and @downandlonely. It means a great deal to me.

Things have been weird. When taking my other dog on long walks in the morning, I almost start to feel happy, which I haven't felt in a while. Then I feel guilty. Yesterday I was busy with things and then realized that I hadn't thought about my missing dog most of the day. Then I really felt guilty and down on myself. I guess I have this idea that my grief would take months and that I'd never recover, but that hasn't been the case. I read that having anticipatory grief can cause post grief to be lessened. I did cry buckets of tears while he was still here and spent lots of time showing and telling him how much I loved him. I know grief can work differently and that months from now I could just break down again, just seemed weird that I was mostly OK yesterday.

I have not really doubted my decision. I did the right thing and as close to the right time as I could. I've had LOTS of guilt about previous dogs, but not this time. I guess I learned how to let them go.

My other dog is now spending time with me in the evening without me blocking her from the bedroom. That's been nice. She's a great dog too. I think I learned that I need to do more when she's alive, and I'm going to do that.

This grief business is just weird and sucks. I still miss my boy like crazy, but I'm not in that deep dark place as much. I need to learn that the guilt about that comes with the territory.