A year ago I was in a very dark place and had started writing notes to family for after my passing. Today I read one I had written about my dog, so that he could find a good home. It made me miss him even more and made me feel all the same feelings I did then. I have to take care of my dog who is still here, but wow do I want out of this life. Thinking about how everything has gone wrong over the last few years and how painful it will be to say goodbye to my other dog. How I can never have another. How not one person who actually knows who I am cares even a little if I weren't here anymore. I remember losing my parents and my other dogs and I've gone on in life without them. Life makes me want to curl up in a ball and join them.