My father is out of options in terms of treatments. The antibiotics did nothing and the steroids did not help. His disease has progressed since he's been hospitalized. He is now asking for a medication that will allow him to be more out of it and comfortable because breathing is so hard.

I spent a good chunk of time with him yesterday and on Saturday. We will visit him again after work today, but he may be out of it when I talk to him.

Mom asked me if I had anything special to say to him.... I did not. All I could say to my father was that he's been a wonderful father. I could not muster up anything else. My father and I have had a conflicted relationship, mostly when I was a kid but also as an adult. As a result, we've had a more distant relationship, even though I would confide in him and often speak to him for his advice. A a kid, I felt he mentally and verbally abused me, and that he's the reason why I ended up in so many abusive relationships in my adulthood. So, I have conflicted feelings towards my father, and they're coming out now, while he's on his death bed.

I feel guilty for not saying anything more special to him, but I just couldn't do it.